we have pet lesbian snakes
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
