I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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