i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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