this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
