I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
