It's like God shit irony all over that family
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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