I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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