Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
