I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Randomize
