How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
