my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize