So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
