I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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