I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
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