Me. At least after what I've been through.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
