I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
