I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
