you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
