you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
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