Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
