Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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