I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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