i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
