There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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