I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
