There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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