I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'd cum for enchiladas.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
