Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
