No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
