you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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