threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
