I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
