dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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