How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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