I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
dude i'm inner monologue high
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
