i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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