I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
