I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
