she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
