At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
