i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
