You're my little dorito
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
