Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
