a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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