i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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