Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My liver just broke up with me...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
