Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
