i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
