Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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