DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
NoShamevember. You game?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
