you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
