a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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