I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
