One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I wish there were birth control emojis
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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