Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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