We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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