im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
