sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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