she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize