As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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