It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
