so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize