watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
