So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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