y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
